Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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