He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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