Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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