There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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