I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
