Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
