Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
