If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
