so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
