Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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