My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
