You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
