I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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