so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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