none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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