I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I didn't shave. On purpose
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
