Define "chronic" masturbator.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
