My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I love you.
Bad choice
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
