my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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