I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
