i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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