I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
