I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
