i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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