i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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