She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
