o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
