NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize