i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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