his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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