You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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