Are we in a gay sports bar?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
