Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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