I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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