I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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