She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
