What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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