I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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