You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
