ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
