So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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