I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
