some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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