He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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