I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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