I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
