Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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