i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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