sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
