If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
