My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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