New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
