1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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