don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
