We won't sleep together?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
