4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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