I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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