I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
