he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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