i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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