why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
