i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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