You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
