Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
