Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
