Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize