she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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