I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
