who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
