dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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