I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
