Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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