At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
