I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
