I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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