Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
