this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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