Are we in a gay sports bar?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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